I remember the first time I asked if he wanted to share something.
Actually, now that I think about it, maybe it was the first time I'd asked him since we were married. We were out of the dating stage when your answers are all game for, "Am I sure I should be with this person? I mean they just asked if I want to go to an Indian Restaurant. This could be a deal breaker."
We didn't have much money (read: any money) at the time, and we went out to eat. So, I said, "Hey, do you want to share ___________?"
Suddenly, I saw STONE-COLD-OFFENSE flash across his eyes, and he said, "No."
I was so confused. Do you not like what I picked? Do I have cooties? Do you not care that it would save us at least 10 bucks?
Turns out when this innocent sentence left my lips, two unspoken conversations ensued, of which neither of us were aware at the time.
Conversation in Jess's head: Hey, this looks really good, and this place is kind of pricy. Wanna kill two birds with one stone and save money while we make sure we don't eat too much? Because, P.S., I didn't workout today.
Conversation in Presley's head: You mean you want me to sacrifice the luxury of eating out, something we don't get to do very often, and leave this restaurant still hungry with only a couple more bucks in my pocket? No thanks. You're lucky you're cute.
As with any and all unspoken rules, it is necessary to speak them into existence so your partner KNOWS THEY EXIST.
While we've had many a fight--or, um, discussion--about this unspoken rule, it was until Pres dropped the No-Share Zone title into my mind. It was Christmas break, and we were in New Mexico. We were talking about going somewhere to eat, and I said, "I know you probably don't want to share because--" and he chimed in, "Yeah, we're in a No-Share Zone." Of course.
So here are the zones, as I've noted them to be defined.
The No-Share Zone
- Holidays of any kind--including 4th of July, Memorial Day, and possibly National Donut Day.
- Official Date Night--as in, we planned it ahead of time and we are not just in sweats or yoga pants.
- Extraneous Special Occasions--Did you have a big win at work? Is is a "first" or a "last" of something? Let's celebrate.
The Share Zone
- It's a weeknight, and we are planning to eat out again that week.
- When we want a super unhealthy appetizer--balance, people.
- When we are eating at a brand new restaurant and we want to try more than one thing. (Warning: This one is touchy territory. Presley has hipster tendencies in that he wants to be original. If he senses you copying his order, he'll pull a switch. It's ruthless.)
- I mean... I think that's pretty much it.
It seems silly, but something that seems to me as a frugal approach seems to Pres like I'm threatening a luxury. It's the opposite when it comes to shopping. I want to have a luxury experience, buying quality items that I love, and Presley wants to bum a closet cast-off from a garage sale, especially if it's a two-for-one with a crockpot with a janky switch (BEWARE OF THE HAND-ME-DOWNS. DID WE LEARN NOTHING FROM THE PEARSONS?!). Personalities, people! It's why we work!
Okay, your turn! What are your sharing rules?
P.S. Goodness, I love this man.